Personal story written by someone in their first year of the Drug Court program. This person graduated Drug Court more than 6 years ago and is still clean and sober living in Grass Valley in the home he and his family bought 2 years ago:
“Thank you, drug court, Thank you for life! This is a subject I have become very passionate about. So much so, sometimes I have to choke back tears of gratitude. Drug Court has done so much for me. It has become more than something for me to skate thru for the next couple of years so I don’t have to go back to prison. I have to admit those were my thoughts at first. Once I got to South Placer and my head cleared I wondered “And then what would I do? Go back to my old way of life? Why would I want to go back to doing what got me here in the first place? None of this came easy for me. I didn’t just wake up one morning full of honesty and willingness. I had to change my whole thinking process. I did a lot of pretending at first. I told myself over and over that I wanted to be clean and sober. That I could do this. That I believed in a God. I talked myself into all of this. Because today I do believe it. I had to retrain my brain. The thoughts and actions that were once foreign to me are becoming natural. I am learning how to have a life I haven’t dreamed possible for over 30 years. I used to think it was me against the world. Especially the law and judicial system. Us and them. I have since changed my outlook on life. I am part of the world today. I thank the law for arresting my self-propelled spiral to Hell and Drug Court for giving me the love and support to learn how to live. Today, there is no us and them, only we. I take great pride in what Drug Court is doing and consider it the most awesome privilege to be allowed to be a part of it.
When I truly saw my life for what it really was it was devastating. It shattered every image I had of who and what I was and laid bare my soul. And when I saw that thing I had become it sickened me so much that I wanted to change. I realized that I was a lie I had created to keep myself from seeing the truth. That I had become a despicable creature that would do just about anything to feed his addiction. I had no morals, no compassion. I cared not one bit for anyone or anything that couldn’t do something for me. I despised that person so much that I became willing to listen. Someone told me that if I wanted different results to do the opposite of what I used to do. I became open-minded enough to listen to suggestions on how to change those behaviors. Willing to do the work required to implement those changes in my life. There is no magic wand that is going to pass over you and POOF! you are all well and wonderful now. Life is not going to change for you. You have to change your life yourself. One tiny thing at a time. The very first change you have to make is do not use no matter what. Because without that change there can be no others. You have to be filled with enough disgust at what you were to want to become something else. And when you feel like you have done all that you can do, do a little more. And when you are done and just know that there is no way you can do anything else, do a little more. Today I do all those things I used to consider lame. I am happy today. Today I consider it a special privilege to be allowed to be in DC. A privilege to go to meetings. A privilege to have been allowed to go to CORR. A privilege to be able to go to school and have a life. A privilege to have been shown how to live life clean and sober and not to spend the rest of my life in prison.